She is in my trunk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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