He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
