Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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