shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
