i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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