Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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