Got a toothbrush?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
