I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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