I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
