and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
