Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
