no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
