But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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