That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
