I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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