I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
