32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
