good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is it penis luge time yet?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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