This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
