life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
