Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
