Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
