im about as happy as oj after his trial
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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