Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
