You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
