He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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