just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
