last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
