i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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