So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Boobs speak an international language.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
