We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
