i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
