So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
