I am in a vortex of obligation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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