He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
