I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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