I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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