rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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