Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
