a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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