we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
