I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
