before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
