I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
try to milk me bitch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
