WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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