Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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