if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
