make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
