I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
