Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
