He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
