Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
