i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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