FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
