I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
